The Thot Plickens...

Every day, new drama...the Company announced this morning that they are going to shutdown the refinery. The qualifier is that it is supposed to be only for the summer (till October…allegedly). At that time, they’ll evaluate the economics to see if they should start back up or just lock the gates and walk away. But, up to the October “drop dead” date, everyone will keep their jobs and our project (and others) will continue. The savings comes from not buying raw materials, utilities, maintenance costs, etc.

Now keep in mind that this is the only refinery in Aruba and it supports thousands of families and uncountable businesses. Permanently shutting this refinery down would have a devastating impact on the economy. It would affect this country to the extent of, say, shutting down all the refineries and chemical plants in either Galveston or Brazoria counties.

Here is the cold-blooded part. I’m on my way to lunch after the announcement has gone public, and I tune into the government radio station. I should also tell you that there is great resentment toward people who are not Aruban (especially Americans) that work in the refinery because, in theory, they are taking Aruban jobs.

So here is some high-ranking government official (Deputy Minister of something…should be Propaganda) saying “Now is the time for all American contractors to get the hell out of Aruba and take Valero with them. Let PetroBraz or PetroChina have the refinery. There are 102 American professionals in that refinery and they should all leave today”. This is a government official essentially kicking Americans out of the country on the freakin’ radio.

I immediately started flashing back to Saigon in 1975 or ’76 or whenever it was with all those people swarming onto helicopters from the roof of the embassy with the Viet Cong overtaking the city behind them. I asked the other people in the car where the embassy was because “I’m going to climb up on the roof and wait for the helicopters.” They didn’t get the homage but they got a laugh out of it anyway. I don’t know…I think I may be too delicate to make a good hostage.

But, the plan is for us to carry on with business as usual. Damn, I was hoping I'd get kicked out today. While they were making the announcement, I was scrolling through my cell phone directory looking for my travel agent to have her send a chopper or something.

Oh...and I talked to my wife, my daughter, and one of my best friends on the phone earlier. But only one of them asked if I was safe...(you know who you are). What's that about?

At some point during the day I had this thought that I wished the refinery was in Curacao where they at least have a really tall bridge.

OUT

It's always hot in Aruba

Well, I did it. I called for some help. The political and business climate has turned so toxic here (as temporary as it is) that I'm spending more time dealing with all the stuff swirling around me that I'm struggling to get my job done and meet some hard deadlines. So I called the president of our company and told him someone needs to come deal with the lawyers and the immigration issues and the things that have me running the streets while I should be at my desk. I have also found out that there is more corruption here than I assumed. Lots of people know things that they can only find out through nefarious means.

Truth be told, he’s happy to jump into the fray from here rather than from Clear Lake. The savings in our collective cell phone bills ought to pay for the plane ticket. So, he’s coming in Sunday and I’m lining up meetings, dinners, and “clandestine” lunches. It’s unbelievable that we have to be careful who we are seen with at lunch or dinner so we have to carefully pick the venues. On the other hand, some people we almost need to be seen with, but with others we should probably wear disguises…which is ok because they need to wear a disguise, too. Aren’t we all adults here?
I really hope that I don’t have to be present for all those dinners and lunches because the food here…well…it sucks. I've been to the highest end restaurants and the food is just ok there. Even Ruth’s Chris at the Marriott is just ok. Not what you would expect (or receive) in the States. The best food I've had here was a steak chalupa at Taco Bell in Oranjestad….no kidding. But, it had flavor. I mean, the food here isn't bad, it’s just bland.

I normally have sandwiches at lunch time, which is just fine, and I cook my own dinner. BTW…beef here is pretty cheap. I can get tenderloin (the cut for filet mignon, chateaubriand, etc.) for about 25 florin per kilo or $6.50 or $7.00 a pound…about 1/3 of what I pay for it at home. Veal is about the same. So when I cook, I eat good stuff. Surprisingly, tho, fish is not bargain unless you buy it from some dude off his boat, but the flies are a little offputting…that and the general lack of ice.
Another subject…theft here is a big problem. Violent crime is almost non-existent here but theft is rampant. Anyway, while we were in a marathon meeting yesterday, one of the guys who is working very closely with me got a cell phone call (we were all, of course, very appropriately showing our indignation that he would take a personal call in that setting) from his wife. They had been burglarized at home. Everything the burglars didn’t take, they broke. He said on the phone this morning that they even kicked doors off the frames, cut furniture, just destroyed what they didn’t take.

This is a pretty dang small island (it’s only 70 square miles; Brazoria County, where I live, is 1800 square miles) with all 90,000 people living on the west coast (about a tenth of the island…the rest is uninhabited ‘outback’). The point being that it would be hard to sell something that you stole without causing someone to notice. Good luck, guys…the federales are always close here. There is a very imposing prison out there in the Aruban outback. (I think I have a picture of it.)

Like I always say…the smokier you drink, the player you get. (I’ll bring an iggy home to the first person who can tell me where I got that quote.)

OUT

Slow Weekend so far, and Few Prospects for the Rest of it

Sometimes I can’t get over the ineptitude that is just business as usual with these people in the refinery. I’ve been chasing a couple of purchase orders this past week. It’s amazing the circles I've been running in. Every one tells me a different story about the PO status and none of them are right. How do they get anything done?

Oh well…

Went to a flea market Saturday on the way to the grocery store. Arubans take their flea markets seriously…as in everything is very expensive. And they give you the price in dollars and then convert to florin in hopes that you don’t know the math. I bought something from a girl and she said it was $10. I only had florin on me, so I gave her a 25 florin bill. She said “okay, thank you.” I just looked at her for a few seconds until I realized she was serious. So I reminded her that $10 is actually 17.5 florin. By the time I got my change from her (lots of discussion and calculating ensued) I was exhausted and feeling guilty. My impression was that she was trying to wait me out. That may work for tourists, but not this worldwise seasoned international traveler.

Friday, as I was leaving the refinery, the Canadian from across the hall (Alex) called me on my cell phone and said him and a couple guys were on their way to eat “at a Chinese place” and asked me to join them. Of course, I jumped on it. When I got to town, I had to call Alex to find where the restaurant was and he told me to meet him at Wendy’s. So I met him and followed him. We went down some “streets” that are really just paths…just wide enough to drive through. I was almost driving through people’s living rooms These streets went through the poorest neighborhoods I've ever seen. I should have gotten a clue from the route we were taking.

We finally pulled into a shabby little “restaurant” and we went in. Well, it wasn’t really a restaurant. It was what we call a beer joint but in Aruba, it’s called a rum shop. The only thing on the menu was beer, cigarettes, and potato chips. The guys looked at my face and started laughing and said they had to lie because they knew I wouldn’t go to a rum shop with them. So I drank guava nectar and bought them beer and chips till about 8 o’clock when we all called it a night. They all thought it was funny and they enjoyed their free beer.

Yesterday was my grandson Carson’s birthday (he’s 3 years old now) and his mom told him he could go anywhere he wanted for lunch. His answer? “Grandandy’s!” Ya gotta love a kid like that...although I think he settled for Whataburger.

The internet access has been practically non-existent this week. When I do get online, it drops off about every 10 minutes. Kinda hard to conduct any business like that. I’ve actually been writing messages in MSWord and when I get online, I cut and paste them in the bodies of emails as fast as I can.

You gotta be flexible living on this rock…

OUT

Mangoes and Houseplants

I think I've found a way to make a meager living here. I was going into the GOB [General Office Building] yesterday and there were two guys struggling with this big ol' house plant in the front door. That plant was in bad shape. It had more dead leaves than live ones so I assumed they were going out with it to go throw it in the Caribbean.

I was wrong. They were bringing that thing in. And on top of that they beat it up bringing it thru the door. I started noticing the plants in the lobby, upstairs on the landing, in the hallways, and in people's offices. They were all in terrible shape.

So I got an idea. In the States there are businesses that lease plants to buildings, businesses, etc. I'm going to make a leap of faith and assume that there aren't any plant leasers on this rock. So all I have to do is find a couple hundred perfect, large houseplants, get some lease contracts for them, distribute them all over the island, and then maintain them...

Wait a minute...let's see. If I could even find a couple hundred really nice plants they would cost me twice much as they would at home. Plus no one would lease a plant here...it does sound a little unnecessary and these folks squeeze every florin. And maintaining all those plants would be a hassle.

So much for that business plan. It don't look so good when you write it down.

Any way, another topic...yesterday one of the guys had a couple of beautiful mangoes at lunch. I asked him where he got them because you can't get good fruit here [accept bananas]...especially stone fruit. It's all been refrigerated for a long time on the way down here and they don't ripen. They go from cold and half ripe in the "produce" aisle to brown and depressing overnight. But this dude grows them in his yard. He said they're laying all over the ground because he can't eat them all. AAAAHHHHH!!!! I love mangoes. So he brought me 5 of them this morning. They're a work of art...tree-ripened, organic mangoes. I'm getting verklempt.

One last thing...a lot of people ask me about how these folks handle the Natalie Holloway thing. Today at lunch someone (an Aruban) brought it up out of the blue. What I found out is that they believe it's a 5.7 million dollar scam by her mom!!! Of course there are more holes in the theory than swiss cheese but many people believe it.

I don't know, I guess that makes as much sense as many other theories.

God save the Queen [they have one, ya know...she's the Queen of the Netherlands].

OUT

A Surreal Moment at Wendy's and other Gastronomy

Well…I haven’t had the internet on this damned rock since Friday. Wasn’t able to do much online work or communication all weekend but managed to get some things done from the ol’ flash drive. But the internet is back again.

Thought I’d share a classic event that happened to me Saturday morning. I went to town for some coffee (Wendy’s). As I was standing inside I noticed a couple of “local” teenage girls trying to unlock their car with a coat hangar on the driver’s side. About the time I got my coffee, I noticed that a couple of men were standing there and trying to help out. (BTW, my car was parked next to the locked car).

So I stroll out of Wendy’s and the 4 people trying to open the car had torn up a lot of weather stripping and were more than a little stressed because they weren’t making any progress. I walk over to my car and start to get in and noticed something…the passenger side window was DOWN about six inches. It took a minute to register on me (I was already in the car before I realized what I was seeing).

So I just step out of my car, reach in the window and unlock the car. Went it went “thunk” every one froze for a second and looked at me. I said, “this, uh, window is down and it looks like it may rain in Aruba today. Might want to roll it up when you get that door unlocked.” I got in my car and drove off. When I looked in the mirror, they were still just standing around looking at each other. Not sure if they even quit trying to unlock the driver’s side door.

Some gastronomic observations:

1-Arubans like their cookies. Every meeting, class, gathering, at the refinery is accompanied by piles of cookies and they all eat them. However, they have some awesome cookies. They’re all imported from Holland and those Aryans are evidently real good at making cookies.

2-If you go to a meeting in the refinery where lunch is brought in, it’s Subway…always. Last rotation here, I went to 4 meetings in a row where lunch was brought in. It was Subway or starve. Never anything else. It was free food but that’s all it was…free.

3-They also like their fruit drinks. I’ve noticed that when you go out to eat that the people here drink pineapple juice, grape soda, guava nectar, etc. with their meals. Where we drink tea or water or wine, they drink their fruit drinks. And the cool part is that the restaurants all have the stuff.

4-And could someone give the chefs on the island some freakin’ SALT!!!


OUT

Politics, politics, politics...

This place has gone crazy. There is a shake up at the very top of the organization and people are lining up and choosing sides. Meanwhile, I'm just sitting there fat, dumb, and happy thinking all is well...until I went to lunch with the "wrong" person. Didn't even know it was the "wrong" person until one of the Directors sent me an email to come see him. I scurried down the hall and he told me that the person I went to lunch with is on the way out and if I [our company] want to survive here, I [we] should align myself with the good ol' boys down the hall. Hell, I didn't even know I was aligned. Not even sure if I know how to get aligned.

It's the Americans, as it turns out, who are running around trying to pick the winning side. I would love to just sit and watch but I may have to grab a coat tail. Looks like I'll be entertaining this weekend.

Enough of that...the 3rd thing I've found out about Aruba is that they can get covered up with sand from the Sahara Desert. For the last couple of days, every thing is coated with this kinda gold looking dust. People are telling me it's Saharan sand. Go figure. But it's not a bad thing. There's plenty of dust over there and this freakin' rock could use a little topsoil.

And finally...I picked up a hitchhiker a while ago. I know, I know...but the location, his appearance, and the fact that he had two bags of groceries led me to believe he would be all right. And he was.

God save the Queen...and my ass.

OUT

Aruba again...with a side trip to NOLA

Well, I'm back in Aruba again. And the project has totally changed, at least my role in it. I’m now working on transition to refinery employees. That was scheduled for late fall but we’ve moved that up. The plan is that I will have to travel less if I can get the refinery people up to speed now so they can do some of the work now instead of waiting till next year.
I also won’t be making those grueling presentations to the population. I told the refinery leadership in the beginning that they shouldn’t put an outsider up there in front of their employees to tell them how they have to change the way they do their business. But the fact that they let me deliver the news anyway is so typically Aruban (feckless, non-confrontational, etc.). But now I'm freed up to do some of the higher level things that are languishing because I was spending too much of my time while I'm here in front of people.
Anyway, I have to say that I’ve been to the mountaintop. For the first time, I upgraded to first class (my mileage let me do it for $150) for the trip down here. It’s an amazing difference. I could have flown to China and been all right with it.

I spent a week in New Orleans right after I got home last time. It was a good mini-project that I finished in about 75 hours (half the work was done at the office and at home). Ate a LOT of crawfish…peak of the season, priced right, available everywhere.
And I have to confess something…I made my first trip to a strip club. I had never been to one and didn’t even know I was going into it until I was there. We (a couple of guys working on the project and me) went to Bourbon St. and went into some blues and some jazz clubs. Every one of them had a one or two drink minimum so when they came around telling us to drink or leave, we left and went to the next one. The problem was that you really couldn’t tell what one club was from the sidewalk. The sidewalk was covered and the signs were on top of the cover. All we did was go door to door. Any way, one of the guys said “You’re gonna see something in here,” and we went in to this non-descript joint. I should’ve gotten suspicious when they actually carded all of us. Then we walked through a door and I looked up and there were 2 girls dancing on the stage…naked except for a g-string. It was more than a little sad. None of them was over 25 years old and getting a pretty rough start in life. It’s amazing what those girls will do for a couple of bucks…and it’s amazing what some guys will pay a few bucks for. I gotta admit that those girls were pretty athletic. They could climb 20 feet up those brass poles upside down and naked and go through three different dance moves on the way down…gotta appreciate that athleticism.
One girl, about 20 years old, came and sat beside me and tried to make small talk. After a few minutes, I looked at her and said “You need to know that I have 3 daughters older than you and $12 in my pocket.” That was it. She scurried back to the bar.
The creepy part was the bouncers. They kept coming up to the table and saying that they could get us anything we wanted…anything. Then they just stood there and waited for us to ask for, well, anything. None of us asked, but I don’t think they were talking about foie gras with truffle oil…I’m just saying.
When we left, I walked out into the street and looked up at the sign to see what this joint was called. The sign said “Hustler’s Barely Legal”. Alas, my cherry was popped.